So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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