You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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