it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love having hate sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
