Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
