The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
