Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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