Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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