Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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