At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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