I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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