We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
