I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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