Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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