Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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