6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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