Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
