he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
