my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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