So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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