dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
