YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
