actually, I'm a sock model
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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