I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
