I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
