one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
