You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
