So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
