You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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