My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
