Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
