Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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