Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
