I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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