so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
