she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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