I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
