I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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