Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
