super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
