theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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