i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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