Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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