Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
