hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
