Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
