So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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