there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
