I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
