I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
