is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
