so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
