why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
