smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
