Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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