He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
