Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
