just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
