I hate your face
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
