Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
