I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize