Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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