'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
