forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
