omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
