woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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