We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
