WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
