he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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