he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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