Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
