You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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