Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
