3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
