i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
