so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
