I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
